why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
