I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
