It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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