your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
