the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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