never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
