somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
