So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
