At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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