you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
