just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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