ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
