I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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