I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
