just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
