yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
