Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
