whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
