Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
