omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
