okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
