Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
