Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
