cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
