Can i not drive my cunt home
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
