eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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