I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
