I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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