I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
