I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
