are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
