My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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