Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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