so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
