I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
