i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
