He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
