Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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