Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
