I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
