that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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