She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
