Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
