just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
