he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
