i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
