he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
