great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
