Screwed.edu
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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