she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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