Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
