yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
